I said when John left that if something happened to him I would make it my
number one goal to speak out. I'm still grieving and probably will be
forever. As soon as I found out he died, I felt like I had no strength in
my body. I said to myself, "I can't fight for this cause, I can't eat,
sleep or move." I was paralyzed both mentally and physically. I became
numb to hearing about Iraq or President Bush. What could I possibly say? I
remembered that promise to speak out but I couldn't go there, it felt too
bad.

As time keeps going, I kept saying I wanted to speak out but I don't know
where to start. It has been enough to bury my husband, care for my son and
move from Hawaii to California. It wasn't until I got an e-mail from my
sister who is a member of MoveOn.org. She would e-mail me throughout about
stuff going on about the war. When she e-mailed me about Cindy Sheehan, I
said, "I want to be there with Cindy. I want to tell my story."

That's when I started to do some research online. I started to research
Cindy and see if this is something I could support. I looked into Gold
Star Families for Peace. I wanted to make sure she was supporting the
troops. People don't understand that this is FOR the troops. People think
Cindy is saying the troops aren't heroes. My husband will always be my
hero. He was not for this war but, as a member of the military, he had to
do what he had to do. It makes me very proud. This is exactly what I would
do if I had a chance.

If it wasn't for President Bush lying my husband would be alive and I
wouldn't be raising my son by myself. I never imagined myself a 27-year
old widow and single mom. My husband was my soul mate and the love of my
life. My son will be raised knowing what a wonderful man my husband was
and what a loving father he would've been. I will tell my son everything
about this father. I will be 100 percent honest about my feeling towards
this war and my husband's death.

People need to understand, this doesn't just happen to people on the news.
It happens to your friends, neighbors. They need to speak out.